3 Important Questions to Help Reduce Back-to-School Stress
The start of the school year can be stressful. The frantic search for the backpack that made you 10 minutes late, the call from school that your child forgot their lunch, or the email from a teacher that your student is missing assignments. These things will happen. I can’t guarantee a perfect transition back to school, but there are some routines you can establish that will help to put the responsibility for school on your child, where it belongs.
This is an important time to review your expectations with your child. It doesn’t matter if the school year has already started or if you do this a month from now, it is just important that it is done. Establishing these routines will make everyone’s life easier and allow you to enjoy time with your child with fewer arguments.
Here are some of the questions I asked my soon-to-be 7th grader this week:
Where are you going to do your homework this year?
This is more important than you realize. Having a set place for students to do homework sets a serious tone. They know when they are working here, they need to focus. This space can be used for any project or activity where they have outside work, not just school work. It makes it easy for them to post reminders and have supplies in one place. If your child has an electronic device they bring to school, this is a great place to charge it. All the work stays in one place.
Let your child have input on their homework space. It needs to be a place where they are comfortable and can get work done. You can buy a fancy desk with all the organizational tools that Amazon carries, but if the space does not work for your student, it is meaningless. The dining room table can work just as well as a dedicated office. If it is a space they need to share, be sure to put their supplies in something that can easily be packed up. Some rolling carts or bins can make it easier.
Just make sure the space is distraction free (think phone, TV, comfy couch), students may say it works for them and they may show you completed work, but they probably are not retaining any of the learning. A dedicated space will keep them focused on work. They will know that while they are there they need to work and when they need a break, they can go somewhere else. If your child is spending hours on homework and still not completing it, ask them what else they were doing while they were doing their homework. I can assure you; it was social media.
How are you going to organize yourself for school?
I LOVE it when the backpack is all packed at night for the next day. That’s just me. I taught high school for 25 years and my bag was always packed at night so I wouldn’t have to find things in the morning. My husband is the opposite, he will pack for a trip the morning he leaves. It stresses me out just thinking about it. Pick what works best for your student. Mornings can be tough and I have yet to meet a student who loves to get up earlier than necessary.
Once homework is done, they should put it in their backpack. Ideally, they have a folder for each subject. If they need to bring something to school, they should put it in their backpack at night. They should charge any devices they need for the day near their backpack so they aren’t running around the house looking for them in the morning. This is also a great time for them to check their planner to make sure they have everything they need. Planners don’t have to be fancy. I had students use thick designer planners with beautiful covers and some that used a small notebook. Both did the job as long as the student used it. While they are at it, they can lay out their clothes for the next day. Anything that allows them to quickly get out of the house is helpful. Note, that they are the ones doing all the work. It’s never too early for them to be responsible for these tasks.
What will you eat for breakfast and lunch?
Meals are a battle in our house. My normally sweet 12-year-old turns into a snarly monster as soon as we start talking about food. She does not think she needs breakfast. Children need to be independent and learn from their mistakes but there are times when as parents, we need to lay down the law. For me, breakfast is it. She eats Cheerios every morning and sometimes adds fruit. I can live with this. I don’t care that it is the same breakfast every school day, that just makes mornings easier. Hungry students don’t learn. They are too distracted. That is why I believe school breakfast and lunch should be free but that is a rant for a different time. Make sure they eat something. If possible, send them a snack to tide them over until lunch or after school. I go a little easier on lunch, as long as she has protein and fruit, she can choose her lunch.
These are just a few ways to start a conversation with your student. They need to learn an organizational style that works for them, it is important that they have ownership of their learning and school life, and it is also important for them to remember that you care about them and want to help them succeed. Parents are the most important influence on their students and these conversations mean the world to them.